@DurtMcHurtt: According to this bathroom stall, my ex changed her number again.
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@nachosarah: the only reason you should be showing me pictures of your kids is if they're missing or you want them to be
@Schmoodles: If I ever have a heart attack, I'm deleting my internet history before I call an ambulance. Better safe than sorry.
@jergarl: My 8yo blows up a balloon 37 times, then asks me to try and all I hear is "DADDY PUT YOUR MOUTH ON THIS RUBBER SACK OF MOIST WARM AIR"