@DaddyJew: According to this box of spaghetti I am an Italian family of 8
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@Jeff_Ross_MD: BREAKING: President Obama shows solidarity with victims in war-torn countries by posting another selfie with celebrities.
@WheelTod: Not saying dogs are better than kids in every aspect; but good luck finding a kid willing to lick up his own vomit.
@meatlobes: *waits for you to fall asleep* *rolls out from under your bed* *moisturizes your knees and elbows*