@KevinFarzad: According to tinder, every guy is at a lake holding a fish & every girl is on top of a mountain & that's why it's so tragically hard to meet
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@MichaelTrying: “His house was clearly on fire but he thought he had time to hit the snooze button just once.” -an obituary
@topaz_kell: I'm in a constant battle between wanting a hot body and wanting a hot fudge sundae.
@Scdavis24: Guys, if you have to point your toes to put your pants on, those aren't your pants. Give them back to your sister.