According to tinder, every guy is at a lake holding a fish & every girl is on top of a mountain & that's why it's so tragically hard to meet

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@KevinFarzad: According to tinder, every guy is at a lake holding a fish & every girl is on top of a mountain & that's why it's so tragically hard to meet

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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: School starts in a few days. 7-year-old: Not if you can't find me.

@causticbob: why no one uses midhusbands

@WittySassBasket: I shall play you the song of my people *stomach growls*

@jctwritesstuff: [Date] Me: You're a scientist? Him: Yeah M: You like chemistry? H: M: Wanna get in my genes? H: M: *slow winks* H: Are you having a stroke?

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@imence2: 9 out of 10 wives agree their husbands are always wrong and the other one just doesn't wanna talk about it right now.

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