@mrtruthandsoul: According to WebMD, given my symptoms, I died 9 years ago.
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@KimMonte10: Be a sharp dressed man. Buy a suit made of knives. Scare ur boss into promoting u. Cut everyone's sandwiches for them in the break room.
@david8hughes: [at work] "Mornin, Margaret." "Mornin. You're late today." [looks at watch] "Not as late as your dead husband though, am I?"
@lazerdoov: I hope my boss asks me to draw a bunch of cats wearing top hats today cause then I'll already be done my work and I can leave early
@better_off_dad: Doctor: What seems to be th- Me: -Medicinal marijuana! Doc: I'm sorry? Me: Let's start with the answer, then work on the problem, ok?