@mrtruthandsoul: According to WebMD, I either have the Ebola virus or I just sat on my car keys :/
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@ClassicMegan: I don't care if you stop reading after 80 characters. I'm using all 140, even if what I say makes no sense at all. Oh also, your mom's a who
@david8hughes: Reporter: are you nervous about the fight? Me nervously: no Reporter: he said he's going to 'rip your heart out' Me crying: but I need it
@MindyFurano: Flipped over my therapist's writing pad and it was just a New York Times crossword with "shut up" written in every blank.
@Elifcello: Blood is thicker than water, but maple syrup is thicker than blood. So pancakes are more important than family. There, I said it.