@danguterman: According to WebMD, I have a Client Error due to 400 Bad Request.
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@SteveSuckington: When you send food back to the kitchen, you're basically saying, "Can you have the chef rub his genitals on this please."
@ShittyComedian: My drug of choice is laughter....and cocaine. Mostly cocaine. Sometimes angel dust. Molly is cool too. RT if you love Jesus.
@Travon: The Queen is so afraid of how the vote will turn out, she put Sam Smith in a boat circling Scotland singing "Stay With Me" into a megaphone.
@mommy_cusses: My husband coughing the moment I got the baby to sleep is why spouses are the number one suspect in homicide cases.