@AmnesiaRose: According to WebMD, this hairy thing on my chest is a cat
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@AngelaEhh: My body keeps doing these muscle twitches like it wants me to get off this couch and move around. HAHAHAHA. As if.
@SortaBad: Babies are like Starbucks because they're expensive as shit and yet you still forget them on the roof of your car
@LeviathanPride: Overheard this locker room convo: "The new school janitor is weird. He's always hiding in here when we're showering". I took my mop and left
@shakenbakegurl: I'm really bad at measuring the correct amount of pasta, so if you and 79 of your friends want spaghetti tonight, come on over.