@peachesanscream: Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.
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@funandmisery: [Hands on Ouija Board] Me: If you’re really my grandma give me a sign! “W.H.Y.A.R.E.N.T.Y.O.U.D.A.T.I.N.G.Y.O.U.R.E.S.O.H.A.N.D.S.O.M.E.”
@withanewname: "Honey?! What did you feed him? His poop is huge ... and green!" [the first of many struggles that Bruce Banner's parents faced]
@Reverend_Scott: WIFE: Please stop. ME: Stop what? WIFE: Singing in the shower. ME: What's the big deal? WIFE: You're scaring everyone at Home Depot.