@peachesanscream: Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.
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@GavinProbably: Said "large" today at Starbucks, and everyone starting chanting "Venti, Venti, Venti!" and a mass suicide occurred.
@NYC_Blonde: Dr: We need you to come back for additional blood work... Me: Why, is something wrong?! Dr: Yes. Your blood sample was mostly champagne...
@BonaFideIntent: I just took enough Vicodin to kill a medium-sized Chipmunk. RIP Roy. Roy's the hypothetical Chipmunk. I named him. Has anyone seen my legs??
@joshxhowie: Was late to my first Fight Club last night so missed the intro rules. Still, Fight Club was brilliant and I'd highly recommend Fight Club.