@omgthatspunny: Accountants have the toughest job in Afghanistan because of the tally ban.
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@POOPSCRUFFIN4U: [first date] DATE: I think cat people are psychopaths ME: *slowly pushes date's coffee off table*
@ShortWhiteNUgly: I make my children listen to people like Pink Floyd and Bob Marley so they learn the difference between Chris Brown and music.
@JediGigi: [on 1st date] Him: So why is someone as pretty as you single? Me: Single? Who's single? [gets right up in his face] We marry at dawn.