@omgthatspunny: Accountants have the toughest job in Afghanistan because of the tally ban.
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@MikeZakarian: Social media allows me to review all my mistakes in chronological order...with pictures.
@AJEatsCake: Making French toast is a lot like making regular toast. The only difference is that you use your tongue.
@1KelliBelle: Me: promise you won't show anyone? Him: promise *sends pics H: that's pics of fruit snacks M: you said you wanted pics of my goods