@omgthatspunny: Accountants have the toughest job in Afghanistan because of the tally ban.
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@AimeeHelene1: If Scooby-Doo taught me anything, it's that if you want to kill someone, do it in a retirement community, where pets aren't allowed.
@Bob_Heller: "May I have my surgery badge, Scout Master?" "Um, there's no such thing." "There was no such thing as a duck squirrel til now. Badge me!"
@Audenary: *notices ham sandwich while searching inside myself* 'wait, if that's here' *son opens lunchbox to find debilitating existential malaise*