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@pinupteacher: Hey baby, lemme see what's under that shell. Ugh, as if. *Lady turtle starts walking away.* [3 hours later] I still see you there baby.
@jonnysun: she left me for good. what am i suposed to do now? "...there ar plenty of fish in the sea" OK DUDE FOR THE LAST TIME IM NOT GONA DATE A FISH
@thenatewolf: Avocados are like women: soft inside, dinosaur skin outside, big cricket ball in the middle, all the good ones are taken...
@Sean_Burgundy_: [1st date] Waiter: Can I get you a drink ma'am ? Me: Wow really bro right in front of me?