@FuckabillyRex: Achieve the "smokey eye" look by setting your head on fire.
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@stephenjmolloy: [Tour of an olive oil factory] Guide: This is where we squash the olives. [Tour of a baby oil factory] Guide: You don't want to go in there
@NYC_Blonde: If I ever get a dog I'm going to teach him how to fetch useful things like tv remotes, iPhones and men who like red wine.
@Sassafrantz: Becky on FB is "too blessed to be stressed" so I told her that I slept with her boyfriend.