@FuckabillyRex: Achieve the "smokey eye" look by setting your head on fire.
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@panmidwest: ME: I'm not voting for anyone CLINTON: that's a vote for Trump! TRUMP: that's a vote for Clinton! ME: looks like I'm voting twice then
@Underchilde: I don’t think Twitter’s real. I think I’m in a mall in 1987 listening to “I Think We’re Alone Now” & my mind invented Twitter to protect me.
@Marlebean: Did you know stuffing your bra with toilet paper works pretty well... except when it rains.
@UNTRESOR: A shark can sense a drop of blood from 3 miles away, and a mom can sense you're not getting enough to eat from 10,000.