@FuckabillyRex: Achieve the "smokey eye" look by setting your head on fire.
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@LackOfShame: [their last appetizer] Her: I don't want it. You have it. Him: I don't want it either, you... Me: *reaches onto their table and takes it
@curlymalloy: Why are they giving Lance Armstrong a hard time about doping???... Going to the moon is very scary shit!!!
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Did you use my highlighter? 2-year-old: Me: 2: Me: 2: No. Apparently she’s always been neon yellow.