@sunexplode: Act happy in the supermarket checkout line to contradict the sad story unfolding on the conveyor belt.
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@joejwest: LIAM NEESON: [writing grocery list] bread milk cheese eggs vengeance [he stops writing, frowns] v̶e̶n̶g̶e̶a̶n̶c̶e̶ grapes
@Brampersandon_: [stand-up comic bombing] Comic: I guess I can tell you my joke about ghosts Audience: BOOOOOO! Comic: Oh ok you've heard that one before.