@tastefactory: *Action movie guy gets shot 3 times* It's nothing, I'll be fine. *gets shot a 4th time* Wow ok, that last one, ok whoooooo.
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@carlyken: My son turns 3 in two weeks and has zero interest in potty training. I'm trying one more time and then it'll be his future wife's problem.
@jlock17: I hate when all the silverware is dirty and I'm down to using the giant decorative fork that hangs on the wall.
@ZackBornstein: First Obama came for my guns. Then he came for my knives. Then he came for my dinette set. Then he redecorated the whole place. It's lovely.
@spacej_me: Some people have sex to make a baby but I prefer the old fashioned way of capturing a wild baby, and that's how I ended up in jail