@McNevich: Actions speak louder than words, unless those words are spoken by a drunken woman
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@iLikeCatShirts: Therapist: please tell me a little about what brought you both here today. Wife: We don't talk. Plus he is so literal. Me: My truck.
@TheGayFlash: The Pink Panther's To Do list: - To do - To do - To do, to do, to do, to do, to doooo
@kelkulus: It's a good thing the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles wore masks, or people might have recognized the 4 giant turtles at their day jobs.
@LipLush1: 30 seconds left on the microwave ~ Women: set table, pour drinks, tweet, talk on the phone ~ Men: do the space shuttle countdown