@PaperWash: Actions speak louder than words when you smack someone in the back of the head with a shovel
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@Swishergirl24: Officer: do you know why I pulled you over? Me: pass Officer: have you been drinking? Me: pass Officer: You can't just keep.. Me: pass
@BuckyIsotope: I'll always remember what my dad told me right before he died: "of course you're supposed to use that much lighter fluid idiot."
@Storminika: A kid next to me at Starbucks says I smell like his dad. I'm like 'Well, your Dad's an alcoholic. Scram!'
@sammyrhodes: Watching Dora with the kids this morning. I wish her parents would just get her an iPhone.