@PaperWash: Actions speak louder than words when you smack someone in the back of the head with a shovel
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@SkipsAhoi: I've had to walk past this monstrosity every day for the last few weeks and it's really taking a toll.
@Sarcasticsapien: Friend: *singing along* But I'm a creep. I'm a widow. Me: Weirdo. Friend: Sorry, I'll stop. Me: No, he says...yeah okay, thanks.
@Marshalchisomcu: if you watch Titanic from d back; it's about dead people resurrecting from the sea, pulling up a ship fixing it and sailing to England
@bobvulfov: COP: u were swerving a lot so i have to conduct a sobriety test ME: ok COP: lets get taco bell ME: no COP: text ur ex ME: no COP: ok ur good