@Skullcat: Actually, I'd rather you shut your talk-hole, not your pie-hole. If you have a hole that gives pie, I'm going in there, because HELLO PIE.
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@envydatropic: I print everything at work because I'm not a multimillionaire who has a printer with ink at home
@NoogsCorner: Cigarette: Hey buddy. Me: I don't smoke anymore. Cigarette: But buddy. Me: NO. Cigarette: Buddy? Me: You do make a good point. Fine.
@CorkyKneivel: If your girlfriend says "my pyramid is late..." Know two things: 1. Your hearing is poor 2. That's not your biggest problem right now
@TheNardvark: Refrigerator ice dispensers are perfect for those times when you need either zero or 5000 ice cubes.