@mattytalks: Actually Jennifer, diamonds are a girls best friend, so technically I slept with your second best friend
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@MUMSIEesq: In my defense, they should have been more specific about which part of the restaurant I was supposed to "Drive Thru"
@abbycohenwl: Teacher: Ants can lift things that are heavier than they are Kid: How can a thing be heavier than it is? T: No-[sees it's almost 3 pm] Magic
@david8hughes: [shipwreck diary] Day 3: dude next to me can hold his breath for 3 days. Going on 4. Very impressive.
@ArfMeasures: BOSS: I suspect one of you wrongly uses nouns as verbs. Everyone turns around and stairs at me.