@mattytalks: Actually Jennifer, diamonds are a girls best friend, so technically I slept with your second best friend
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@weenbeans: *barber hands me the mirror to check the back* "Looks good!" I lie, after a few seconds of being unable to get the mirror to angle properly
@TragicAllyHere: *turns around in my chair and I'm stroking a whole glazed ham in my lap* I've been expecting you.