@mattytalks: Actually Jennifer, diamonds are a girls best friend, so technically I slept with your second best friend
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@Jesssicle: Some of you take selfies from so close up, I'm beginning to wonder if you're a T-Rex.
@TheDailySchmuck: *makes third wish* Lastly, I want to be irresistible to women. [Transformed into really nice handbag] Dammit.
@kolchak: Justin Bieber songs are much more enjoyable when you replace the word "girl" with "gerbil".