@MikeBigby: Actually Jesus wasn't the carpenter, Joseph was. You're thinking of the Carpenter's Monster
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@moooooog35: Me: My wife got me a telescope for Christmas. Neighbor: Nice. I got- Me: I know. I watched you guys open everything.
@Marlebean: He held up my pants and said "Are you sure these are yours? They look small. You can fit in these??" Judge: Not guilty. You're free to go.
@Taryn_: Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is you're a dumb ass and you make poor decisions.
@IamEnidColeslaw: If a tree falls in the woods can I stand under it so I don't have to go to work tomorrow?