@scorpicpanda: Actually, letting your dog run around the yard while wearing your Fitbit increases the numbers waaaaay better than putting it on your cat.
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@Fatgoldfish4: I dunno if anyone else follows Play-Doh on Facebook but you should cause they're doing some serious damage control
@Tmoney68: [Corporate Olive Garden meeting, 1985] Jesus: Let's do unlimited breadsticks. CEO: How can we supply that many? Jesus: *winks at camera*
@theshantilly: Coworker: You look angry. Me: I'm not. CW: Really angry. Me: THIS IS MY NORMAL FACE
@batkaren: My monster costume for Halloween's just going to be whispering, "better hope it's not the poisoned one," to kids when I hand out candy.