@scorpicpanda: Actually, letting your dog run around the yard while wearing your Fitbit increases the numbers waaaaay better than putting it on your cat.
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@daemonic3: [art store] You do free framing? "With any purchase" Ok, just this pencil and [slides a gun with wife's fingerprints] you know what to do
@ThatEggChick: I fall more in love with you each day, well, except yesterday. Yesterday you were really freakin' annoying.
@Timmsmiff: "sir we don't hire people to be mannequins" Me:*strikes mannequin pose* "No, sir we don-" M:*new pose* [under breath] "damn this guys good"