@Shade510: Actually resolved an argument between my wife and my 16 year-old daughter. Now being deployed to the Middle East to broker peace.
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@ruinedpicnic: Lorax: I am the Lorax, I speak for the trees! They have a crush on you Brad! Trees: What? We did not say that! Tell Brad we didn't say that!
@FrancysNjoroge: Please do not throw cigarette butts into the urinals, as it makes them soggy and very hard to light -Bathroom graffiti
@dlockw21: 11: Dad, what's your spirit animal? Mine's a tiger. Me: Remember that chubby mouse named Gus in the baby-tee from Cinderella? 11: ...