@Shade510: Actually resolved an argument between my wife and my 16 year-old daughter. Now being deployed to the Middle East to broker peace.
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@BlondAmbitionTO: Grammar is: 1. How we structure our sentences. 2. Grandpa's wife. Some of you will pick number two.
@just1fool: I'm gonna insert "comedian" in my bio and have my picture taken on a stage with a microphone in my hand so no one will follow me back.
@sofarrsogud: ME: Thanks for all you did man. It's because of people like you, we have our freedom. HIM: Again, I'm a veterinarian.
@JohnLyonTweets: I spend a lot of time contemplating the mysteries of life, like why the wall the natives built to keep Kong out had a Kong-sized door in it.