@Parker_Simpson: When you know your about to be spammed on #tinder
@TheWeirdWorld: If a vampire gets AIDS from one of its victims, is it considered an STD or food poisoning?
@Book_Krazy: Boss: You're late! On Friday, I made it clear that anyone arriving late would be fired
Me: Well I didn't know! I ducked out early on Friday
@daemonic3: HIM: Happy birthday, honey! I got you a gift basket, just like you wanted
HER: Oh thanks! What's in it?
HIM: What do you mean, "in it"?