@MilkshakeAnyone: Addicted to pills? Don't worry. They have a pill for that.
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@MikeLonghelt: They told me to spread love wherever I go. Now everyone is complaining about being covered in Nutella. You can never win with some people.
@Asbo_Unicorn: Spelling is very important in cosmetic surgery no one wants buttocks injected into their face
@ericsshadow: [first date] HIM: Can I call you sometime? HER: [slowly slides napkin over phone] You can't... I lost my phone