@MilkshakeAnyone: Addicted to pills? Don't worry. They have a pill for that.
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@animaldrumss: [overhears guy saying economy is bad] [later, at family dinner] no trust me, the last thing you want is an economy. those things are so bad
@Not_a_JesusGirl: There is nothing funnier than yelling "SHE'S STEALING MY BABY!" at a mom having a hard time with her kid in public.
@LetMeStart: My outfit today says "I'm going for a run in the fresh air and maybe do some yoga afterwards." My outfit is full of lies.
@RamblingMachine: You think your spouse loves you?Put them & a dog in the trunk of the car for a day. When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you?