@kelkulus: Adding "family" to words sucks out all the fun: Vacation? Family vacation. Car? Family car. Movie? Family movie. Affair? Family affair.
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@pissrifle: good news Craig, we got your murder charge bumped down to theft. just tell us why you stole that dude's blood/bones
@psybermonkey: Son: Daddy are we poor? Me: *scraping his macaroni art into stove pan* Did your mother tell you that?
@imVig: Thief: Did u see me rob this bank?nTeller: well, yes!nn*Teller shot in the head*nThief: DID U SEE ME ROB THIS BANK?nMe: No. But my wife did!
@Freudianscript: Being popular on twitter is like being the keynote speaker at a Dementia Convention. No one remembers you the next day.