@PeachCoffin: *admires David at the museum* I can't believe a teenage mutant ninja turtle sculpted this
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@Matt_the_1st: It just occurred to me that you could substitute Miranda rights for wedding vows. Verbatim
@mjkspeaks: [argument w/girlfriend] HER: you know what your problem is? ME: no, *grabs pen and begins taking notes* but i'm about to find out
@Playing_Dad: Clark Kent: How's your lunch? Bruce Wayne: This soup is great. CK: don't BW: You could even say CK: please don't BW: It's Souper, man
@BatBatshitcrazy: Shout out to my neighbors for the 2:00 am fireworks; I hope you enjoyed my 7:00 am weed whacking.