@HatfieldAnne: Admit it, no one really knows how to use the memory function on a calculator. We’re all just too embarrassed to ask now.
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@jwomackou: Wife: how'd you get that burn on your arm?? Me (looking fabulous): not from your curling iron
@TheCiscoKidder: Sorry I unfollowed you on Instagram, but you take at least 10 pics of your face everyday. I don't even look at my wife that much.