@Elizasoul80: Admitting you have a problem is half the battle. Convincing everyone else that they're the problem is the other half.
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@gm_cage: I bought theater food once. Long story short my son will no longer be going to college..
@ThaJawn: *googles murder tips *adds "asking for a friend" at the end of each search They won't be able to prove a thing! *evil cackles
@matt___nelson: [getting escorted out of zoo] "I just wanted to see if the panda knew kung fu like in the movie"