@leshnevsky: Adroit python swallowed male and female rabbits and doesn't need a food anymore.
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@BradBroaddus: 1) Jumped out of bed 2) Cooked breakfast 3) Ran 6 miles 4) Worked out 5) Started lying compulsively
@Vodkantots: The greatest thing about Christmas is how it teaches kids to be selfish little shits on someone else's birthday.
@MommaWordsIt: My milk of magnesia brings all the boys to the yard and they're like, you sounded younger on the phone.