@doktorj: Adult me is pretty pissed that you can't learn to dance perfectly in the span of an 80's montage.
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@TheMichaelRock: Me: How much for the selfie stick? Him: Sir, that's an Olsen twin. Me: I'll take it.
@mjkspeaks: [arguing w girlfriend] Her: I feel like we have communication problems. Me: srsly? wow I text u like every day.
@Jamie1947: In my youth, there was no "snapschapts". If you liked a young lady, you'd draw a proper picture of your genitals and send it to her parents.
@Jam453Lane: Putting up Christmas decorations was a bad idea. I'm drunk and stuck on top of the house with an inflatable Easter Bunny.