@doktorj: Adult me is pretty pissed that you can't learn to dance perfectly in the span of an 80's montage.
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@BillDixonish: Imagine if every Sunday all your friends decided to only speak in a foreign language. That's how I feel during football season.
@form52: I hate it when restraining orders get in the way of meaningful relationships. Well played future wife. You win this round
@RidiculousSheri: Nobody harasses you on the street when you walk around wearing a belt made of live cats.
@upsidedowntrash: Coworker: crazy weather we're having Me: [as loud as possible] SHARON FOR THE LAST TIME I WILL NOT KILL YOUR HUSBAND FOR A BAG OF REDVINES