@INDlAN_: Adulthood is like looking both sides before crossing the street and them getting hit by an airplane.
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@BuckyIsotope: WIFE: *yells into basement* Our savings account is entirely empty. Do you know what happened? ME: *assembling robot monkey butler* No idea
@Jerrypleasure: [Restaurant] Date: I like guys who plan ahead Me: If you die early, I'll marry my ex