@INDlAN_: Adulthood is like looking both sides before crossing the street and them getting hit by an airplane.
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@dubiousrhetoric: Preowned Jaguar for sale. Beloved family member, excellent shape. Wife forced me to put her up for sale after she (the jaguar) ate the kids.
@Reverend_Scott: [horror movie in 2169] The killer creeps up behind the college co-eds and JUST STARTS THROWING GLUTEN EVERYWHERE [entire audience faints]
@JediGigi: Mom: So, do you have someone special in your life? Me: Define "someone" Mom: You know, a boyfriend. Me: Define "boyfriend"
@dubstep4dads: i like how at this walmart they put baby food products in the checkout lane. like oops thats right i have a baby to feed