@Ditchful: adulthood is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@rynbtmn: None of the scenarios in which I would require a watch that works 200m underwater are situations in which my watch would be my main concern.
@seanscrap: Hello, Atheist Ghostbusters? Yes? I have a ghost in my bathroom. No, you don’t. Oh, right. Thanks so much! That’s why we’re here.
@samalmightysam: I don't know why Coca-Cola and Pepsi are fighting over what Santa drinks, everybody knows that big fat belly can only come from beers.
@iwearaonesie: [leaving birthday party] wife: Drive safe, we have precious cargo *smiles at kids* me *looking at the piece of cake in my lap* I know