@AntozWolf: Adulthood is like the vet, and we're all the dogs that are excited for the car ride until we realize where we're going.
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@matt___nelson: 911: what's your emerg- ME: I'VE BEEN SHOT 911: ...why would you interrupt me like that?
@mofrorock: Personal ad: Handsome man (29), seeks short, open minded women to poke him in the eye with umbrellas. Busy streets only. No names please.
@hazelmotes1: Superman: I'm my own worst enemy. Lex Luthor: oh. That's nice. I'm literally standing right here.