@cakemittens: Adulthood - Pros: you can eat ice cream in bed. Cons: this will somehow make you sadder.
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@JKickinit30: It's amazing when you hug someone you haven't seen in decades. It's also embarrassing when it's not the person you thought it was.
@causticbob: A man has been jailed for forging banknotes. He also got a big fine which he immediately paid in crisp $9 notes.
@Book_Krazy: Boss: This is the 3rd time I've seen you slacking off today. Do you know what that means? Me: You want me to move the couch into my office?
@HansGrubertron: GYM INSTRUCTOR: ...and over here are the free weights. ME: *shoving weights in my pockets* Fantastic.