@cakemittens: Adulthood - Pros: you can eat ice cream in bed. Cons: this will somehow make you sadder.
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@ComedicBust: My boss took me out to dinner to celebrate my promotion, but after he watched me eat ribs for 20 minutes, I was given a severance package.
@Reverend_Scott: Is athlete's foot [gulp] fatal, doc? "Not with the proper treatment." *gives foot $56M 7-year contract*
@Brampersandon_: [COPS] *into radio* We've got a drunk man in the park who thinks he's a lion tamer. "SIR! PUT THE WHIP DOWN & STEP AWAY FROM THE CAROUSEL!"