@PartyBitchKayla: advice to my younger self: dont bang that old man on his helicopter he’s not joe biden
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@jwoodham: "You have a date? With who?" [Sees a fishing boat] "Uh, her name is Net..." [Sees someone with a booger] "Flicks! Net Flicks! Wait. Dammit."
@zachreinert03: Hey people who say 'I want my funeral to be like this': what are you going to do about it if they don't do it like that?
@jwoodham: FITNESS TIP: Stretching is important. Stretch out flat on your back. Stretch your eyelids over your eyes. Stretch a blanket over your body.
@david8hughes: [Joker has Robin tied up] "If you want to see the Boy Wonder alive, come to the old-" "Nope. Also he's allergic to peanuts. Like real bad."