@ClaytonSykes: After buying toilet paper at Walgreens, the cashier said, "you'll need your receipt." I don't think I've ever been this scared in my life...
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@baseballchickie: First rule of being Italian is to tell everyone you're Italian. (I can say this cause I'm Italian.)
@SocialExtortion: It's been the "longest week ever" for Janet on facebook, a woman that I know for a fact works 40 hours has been on facebook for 37 of them
@1slowery1: Me: hope ur soccer team wins the great fork American: What Me: the good plate American: the super bowl Me: i knew it was a kitchen something
@ProdigyNelson: [aquarium] Me: "That's a lot of octopussies to occupy a tank." Guide: "it's octopi." Me: "Oh..that's a lot of octopussies to octopi a tank."