@ClaytonSykes: After buying toilet paper at Walgreens, the cashier said, "you'll need your receipt." I don't think I've ever been this scared in my life...
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@TheBoydP: Top Six Uses Of Strategic Planning: 6. Politics 5. Sports 4. Investing 3. Business 2. Military 1. Returning home from guys/girls night out
@ReeseButCallMeV: Boss: How come I don't see you doing any work? Me: Because you have no imagination!
@samalmightysam: I T H I N K W E S H O U L D R U I N P E O P L E S T I M E L I N E B Y T W E E T I N G L I K E T H I S A L L D A Y . . . . .
@aidanjsears: INTERVIEWER: so what makes you qualified to work at comcast ME: *shows up four hours later* INTERVIEWER: you're hired