@shawnhitch22: After handing a girl my mixtape I asked her if she was ready for TOTAL AURAL SATISFACTION not realizing what it had sounded like.
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@jwoodham: The only way I'm coming to your wedding is if YOU get ME a gift. You just found lifelong love, I think I deserve a blender more than you do.
@JohnLyonTweets: *approaches woman in club* Me: Would you like to dance? Her: Sure. Me: While you're dancing can I sit in your chair? I'm really tired.
@ShesARealGenius: On your first day in prison, make sure you go up to the warden and compliment the décor.
@Mr_Kapowski: [gently brushes your hair out of your face] "You're gonna be so pissed when you wake up and see your haircut," I whisper