@GuyEndoreKaiser: After he loses, everyone who supported Trump should have to spend a year on an island where he gets to make all the decisions.
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@TheMichaelRock: Me: Quit talking down to me like I don't know shit about technology! 12yo: Sorry... Me: That's ok. Now fix the router.
@AbbyHasIssues: I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
@withanewname: Me: *hyperventilating* 911? BEES! ... EVERYWHERE! ... SEND...HELP! "Sir we don't ..." Me: OMG! DON'T YOU HAVE A SWAT TEAM FOR THIS?
@matt___nelson: [getting escorted out of zoo] "I just wanted to see if the panda knew kung fu like in the movie"