@bridger_w: After I ask a stranger if I can pet their dog and they say yes, I like to respond, "I'll keep that in mind" and walk off
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@OhHiAlyPie: Took my 3rd self-defense class, so if anyone feels like attacking me straight on, very slowly, w/ a fake knife in their right hand, BRING IT
@deardilettante: Him: why doesn't anyone want me? Me: I want you. Him: why doesn't anyone else want me?
@Cpin42: I hate when I show up to a funeral and another guy is wearing the same hot dog costume.