@jeffswarens: After I clear my browser history I do a quick google search for things like "feeding the hungry" and "How to thank a loving wife"
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@DaddyJew: Cop: you failed to obey the stop sign Me: I got lost in the music C: what song? M: I'd rather not say C: what song?!? M: I saw the sign
@TheCatWhisprer: [trying to stop my toddler's tantrum in a restaurant] *harsh whisper* If you don't cut it out right now then there's nothing else I can do
@moooooog35: The sun isn't even up yet but this seems like a good time to start yelling at the top of my lungs trying to find a girlfriend. - birds