@realHamOnWry: After I die I want the words, 'Wow, this place is twice as big as my old apartment' engraved on my urn.
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@jwoodham: Asking someone out is so unpredictable. You never know exactly how they're going to say no.
@Bunnydurden: I wish mirrors and cameras would get together and figure out what I really look like.
@iwearaonesie: me[holding wife's shirt] Can this go in the dryer? wife:What does it say on the tag? me:Gap wife:The other tag me:Oh wife me:Made in Vietnam
@djdarrellripley: Her: A girl named "Bambi" called 6 times to see if you could go skinny dipping.. So, do you have a thing to say for yourself? Me: Can I go?