@ilovepie84: After killing a spider I wrap the web around his neck and hang him from the wall to make it look like a suicide.
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@the_gramble: Coworker: Do you have good taste in music? Me: I can only taste things I put in my mouth Both of us thinking: I work with an idiot
@Rhythms_n_Booze: I remember this one time I ran out of gas. It was pretty scary. Almost dark. I was all alone. I mean it was a lawnmower, but still.
@simoncholland: I feel like HGTV is creating some false expectations for the attractiveness of the contractor you hire for home renovations.