@ilovepie84: After killing a spider I wrap the web around his neck and hang him from the wall to make it look like a suicide.
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@Chumpstring: [The Price is Right Wheel-O-Fate stops on the 🕳 symbol] DREW: ooh that's 8 days in the hole CONTESTANT: what? [hole opens in the ground]
@Sirrruh: Life has taught me if you go to the store for milk and you're high, you won't buy milk. You will spend half your rent on hot pockets though.