@marknorm: After learning about hieroglyphics, it makes you realize that Egyptians invented the emoji.
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@KeetPotato: lawyer: "my client claims the altercation began because - and i quote - "he came at me sideways" crab: "in my defence.."
@LarryJLund: Ex-wife died in a car wreck yesterday. Didn't send flowers, thought might be weird to the family. That and didnt know other drivers address.
@Brianhopecomedy: Took my 3 year old to a lot of historic sites and whale watching today. Asked what her favourite part was and she said, "The M&M's".