@marknorm: After learning about hieroglyphics, it makes you realize that Egyptians invented the emoji.
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@Darlainky: [caught getting last piece of pie out of fridge] And I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for that meddling open door beep!
@FuckabillyRex: Paid a mime fifty bucks to follow me around for a day and do the jerk off motion every time I speak.
@le_buns: "would u like some dessert?" i ask the moose head above the fireplace "no thanks im stuffed" i reply, in a slightly deeper voice