@Dwarven_Cleric: After living in terror for 27 years, Gloria Estefan's threat is realized; I open my car door, and am brutally attacked by the rhythm.
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@stuckinaportal: *wife leaves message on fridge w/ magnets* WE ARET HROUGH maybe it's an anagram *rearranges* ROUGH WEATHER whoa better pack an umbrella
@FeralCrone: When I told my parents over the phone that my husband has the flu, my dad said “Have you tried euthanasia?” and in the background my mom yelled “For the last time, it’s echinacea!”
@JimmerThatisAll: Little does this young woman in the house behind mine who just closed the curtains know that it was the curtains I was looking at.