@Dwarven_Cleric: After living in terror for 27 years, Gloria Estefan's threat is realized; I open my car door, and am brutally attacked by the rhythm.
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@Chumpstring: PATIENT: i just feel like something is missing from my life THERAPIST: [is a cat] have you tried biting plastic
@UGotMeRight: I think I'll go to church this morning. I need to repent all my sins & pray for the neighbors wife to covet me.
@unravelingfire: Do hairy people get bed head all over? Ma'am, I just called to see if you're happy with your cell phone provider. But probably they do.
@shahnischmani: Just heard a lady say she's been shopping at this Kmart for the last 15 years, and I was like, "doesn't your family miss you?"