@Dirty_Naomi: After mating, a female Praying Mantis kills & eat's the male. Guess she knows it's easier to claim life insurance rather than child support.
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@ajvaage: Toronto Police have found a head, hands, and a foot in a river. There are no theories yet but the hokey pokey has not been ruled out.
@ohthatbadger: X: I hate when the cat just stands like that, frozen. Why does he do that? Me: He's on paws. X: … Me: 😁 On… paws. X: I hate you so much.
@GrantTanaka: astronauts be acting like they’re so cool, as if we didn’t know at least 60 dogs and monkeys went to space before them
@abbycohenwl: Man: Welcome to Mystery Club Guy: What's it for? M: No one's sure of that [suddenly Guy's head gets clubbed] M: Or when that'll happen