@Dirty_Naomi: After mating, a female Praying Mantis kills & eat's the male. Guess she knows it's easier to claim life insurance rather than child support.
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@RobElliottComic: Say "Literally" and "Legit" a few more times in that sentence so I know it's literally legit
@chris_isloi: The reason your car won't go over 60 in the city is because you haven't yelled "HOLD ON!" yet.
@LanieLalaBugs: If my psychiatrist said "There's really nothing more I can do for you", that means I'm cured right??
@LADaddy: We just got a fax. At work. We didn't know we had a fax machine. The entire department just stared at it. I poked it with a stick.