@meganamram: After my ex and I broke up, I was in a really bad place (Florida)
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@truegritrumble: ME: I wonder if it wrestles cutely too? ZOOKEEPER: Sir, get out of the panda enclosure. ME: lol. No. *gets mauled to death by panda*
@afloodofblood: Sometimes I spend so much time on Twitter in the bathroom that I actually pee twice.
@UnFitz: I was inept with girls in high school. Once I tried to unhook a bra strap and accidentally made a macramé plant hanger.