@theNuzzy: After my tweet conversation with you, I delete everything I wrote so you look like a crazy stalker.
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@runolgarun: "Sorry, I fail to see how I 'misled' you when my profile CLEARLY says I'm 'a total cat person'?" - half-cat/half-person being after bad date
@batkaren: Accidentally ran the wash with Ecstasy still in a back pocket. Now my jeans are freaking out, and the zipper won't stop grinding its teeth.
@bombsydoll: WHAT'S WITH THE MIXED SIGNALS DUDE? YOU TURN THE LIGHTS OFF & MOVE IN CLOSE BUT WHEN I KISS YOU YOURE LIKE WHOA IM JUST DOING YOUR EYE EXAM?
@Gooooats: I'm a Civil War reenactor but I only reenact the time General Ambrose Burnside took a three hour nap.