@THEPokerWife: After seeing your latest selfie ... And knowing what you look like in real life.... I'd like to hire you for your photoshopping abilities.
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@thatfinguy: Pretty woman wouldn't have been as sweet of a love story if we saw all the times she sucked c**k for money weeks prior.
@UncleDuke1969: Receptionist: "That lady in the waiting room is picking her nose." Plastic Surgeon: "Good! That'll save me some time. Send her right in."
@Jimpetuous: *holds seashell to ear* [ocean sounds] [ocean sounds] ["Remember to click 'subscribe' & to rate & leave a com-] *throws shell into the sea*
@_thatigirl: Asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn't the right answer.