@TylerLinkin: After sex, I take the condom off and make a balloon animal for the lady.
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@Jay_FrickinLynn: Britney is stranded on an island Britney is starving Britney forms tool out of rocks and sticks Britney sees a fish Britney Spears
@rolldiggity: I bet chickens have mixed emotions about Thanksgiving, because they're safe for a day, but why aren't they good enough for a holiday meal?
@wchoughton: Just overheard the phrase, "pregnant with a baby," and secretly wondered what the other options were.
@Phantasmagoriax: If I ever die, my phone better go with me or there will be some pissed off people at my funeral.