@TheMichaelRock: After shaking someone's hand, I like to maintain eye contact while applying hand sanitizer.
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@bobvulfov: [funeral] WIDOW: i—i just cant believe he's gone ME: hey [putting my hand on her shoulder] u parked ur car directly behind mine so im stuck
@bathflyer: A ponytail so tight I look 5 years younger and everyone thinks I've been smiling all day.
@rockymomax: HER: I have something I want to tell u ME: me too HER: *smiles coyly* same time? ME: sure HER: 1,2,3 I LOVE YO- ME: ONE TIME I ATE DOG FOOD