@TheMichaelRock: After shaking someone's hand, I like to maintain eye contact while applying hand sanitizer.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@MichaelGoffLA: What if you told a lie to cover up your affair, and the lie was so good that 2000 years later people were still giving each other presents?
@jordan_stratton: Well, when we ordered nachos, you ate all the ones in the middle with the most cheese, but no... I have no idea who set your car on fire.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: My mom asked me a question and when I went to answer she said, "Hold on I can't hear you. I gotta turn on the light." The dark was too loud?
@SortaBad: *slaps the cup out of the barista's hand* "No. I want Asriel, the guy with the man-bun, to make my latte. He has a better energy"