@LindaInDisguise: After sitting in the labor and delivery waiting room chairs for 12 hours, I need an epidural as much as those women in labor do.
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@zoeklar: One time John Waters spilled water on me and my mom said "thank god his name isn't John Barbecue Sauce!"
@iwearaonesie: me: I bet other husbands don't get put in timeout! wife: I bet they don't put their mother-in-law's phone number on a Craigslist ad either!
@zacharyflynn: How to get a girl to like you: 1. Become a lion tamer 2. Release a lion on her 3. Tame it right before it kills her 4. Take her to Chili's?
@KaRaRacn75: Don't be alarmed when you're knocking on the Gates of hell and the devil doesn't answer....He is dealing with me.