@noog: After spending the last week stealing cars and killing people I just found out GTA had missions.
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@copymama: Welcome to parenthood. Every piece of trash in your house is now a makeshift toy that you are not allowed to throw out.
@wolfmannjr: Parents yelling "I'm not going to ask you again" at their kids, will definitely be asking them again
@wesjohnson8: "What am I supposed to do with this speeding ticket?" Officer, "Keep it, when you collect four of them, you get a bicycle."
@CulturedRuffian: When one door closes, another one opens which is also one of the first signs you probably have a poltergeist.